Letting Go of Unavailable People

Link: => cobupudo.nnmcloud.ru/d?s=YToyOntzOjc6InJlZmVyZXIiO3M6MzY6Imh0dHA6Ly9iYW5kY2FtcC5jb21fZG93bmxvYWRfcG9zdGVyLyI7czozOiJrZXkiO3M6Mzg6IldoeSBhcmUgcGVvcGxlIGVtb3Rpb25hbGx5IHVuYXZhaWxhYmxlIjt9


In the beginning I thought it was okay to have someone from afar so I can focus on myself because I knew there were things I needed to work on such as my insecurities and self worth issues. Hitting the emotional brakes may come naturally to you, because you won't have muscle memory for a deeper quality of attachment, Fleming says. This is the life of an emotionally unavailable man.

Find out if the person has had a long-term relationship, and why it ended. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns individuals - exactly the ones who will push our buttons. Then the excuses started, and he was very sexually explicit with me very early on and it did make me uncomfortable.

Relationships: Why Are Some People Emotionally Unavailable?

To view this article on a Mobile Device go to Check out our new for a brief overview of the work of Codependency Recovery Inner Child Healing Pioneer Robert Burney - including links to his articles on websites that are user friendly on mobile devices. Letting Go of Unavailable People Emotionally we are drawn to people who feel familiar on an energetic level. That is, people who, on an emotional vibrational level, resonate with us as being familiar. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people. In other why are people emotionally unavailable, we have an inner radar system that causes us to be attracted to people who resonate vibrationally in a way that is familiar on an emotionally intimate level. We are attracted to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of emotional intimacy and love - our parents. Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc. The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable. It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating, and being unavailable, to them self. We need to let go of that delusion. We need to focus on healing our self - on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available. This is the third in a series of articles focused on applying the spiritual principles of twelve step recovery in relationship to codependency. Learn his innovative Spiritual Integration Formula for Inner Healing. To find out the locations and dates for upcoming appearances go to. There is a list of - and links to - the other articles in this series on Suite 101 on the. T his article was used to create this page on Joy2MeU in late August of 2003. We, why are people emotionally unavailable our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns individuals - exactly the ones who will push our buttons. This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people. Once we begin healing we can see that the Truth is that it is not safe to trust as long as we are reacting out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of our childhoods. Once we start Recovering, then we can begin to see that on a Spiritual level these repeating behavior patterns are opportunities to heal the childhood wounds. I spent most of my life being the victim of my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own behaviors. I was consistently picking untrustworthy people to trust and unavailable people to love. I could not trust my own emotions because I was incapable of being honest with myself emotionally - which made me incapable of Truly being honest on why are people emotionally unavailable level. All quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Codependency is an incredibly insidious, treacherous dis-ease. It is a compulsively reactive condition in which our ego programming from childhood dictates how we live our lives today. As long as we are not in recovery from our codependency, we are powerless to make clear choices in discerning rather someone we are attracted to is a available for a healthy relationship - we are in fact, doomed to keep repeating patterns. Emotionally we are drawn to people who feel familiar on an energetic level. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people. In other words, we have an inner radar system that causes us to be attracted to people who resonate vibrationally in a way that is familiar on an emotionally intimate level. We are attracted to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of emotional intimacy and love - our parents. No matter how much we are making an effort on a conscious level to not pick anyone like our parents, energetically we feel a strong attraction to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our first experience of love. It was very important for me to get aware of the reality that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate, I had better watch out. Those are exactly the people who will fit my patterns - recreate my wounding. It was very important for me to recognize the power of this type of attraction. And also to realize, that on a Spiritual level, these people were teachers who were in my life to help me get in touch with my childhood wounds. It was vital for me why are people emotionally unavailable start being aware that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate it did not mean we were going to live happily ever after. What it meant was that I was being given another wonderful, and painful, opportunity for growth. Becoming conscious of these emotional energetic dynamics was a very important part of owning my power. My power to make choices, to accept consequences, to take responsibility for my choices and consequences - and to not buy into the belief that I was being victimized by the other person, or my own defectiveness. Recognizing unavailability in the other person does not mean that I have to let go of the relationship - at least not immediately, it could be something I will decide to do eventually. What is so important, is to let go of focusing on that person as the cause of, or solution to, my problems. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc. The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable. We are attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the Love and respect of our unavailable parents. We think we are going to rescue the other person which will prove our worth - or that we need them to rescue us because of our lack of worth. The princess will kiss me and turn me from a frog into a prince, the prince will rescue me and take me to live in the castle, syndrome. We need to own our own worth - our own Prince or Princess ness - before we can be available for a healthy relationship with some one who has owned their own worth. We need to focus on healing our self - on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available.

If one is continually attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable, it might be necessary to take a deeper look within themselves. If you are , or if you come with a history of not-so-healthy caretaking or codependency, you may be attracted to the pattern of helping. You know you deserve better and you know this is not how a relationship should look like, but what do you do? We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. But even after I left my husband, my identity stayed with him. Is the other person aware of the fact that they are not available? You will not fix them with romantic leaps or signs of commitment. Secrecy, evasiveness, or inappropriate questions too soon about money or sex, for example, may indicate a hidden agenda and unwillingness to allow a relationship to unfold. If you feel confused by a partner in this way, ask yourself if you feel anxious and hungry for connection more than you feel connected and secure with this person. And wonder how something that seemed so good went so bad so fast…probably because it never really was that good to begin with.